iChanged My Mind
by bsloths
Summary: Freddie has been in love with Carly for quite some time. Today's events will be the culmination of years of serious crushing. But is he ready for what happens when he lays his heart on the line? Angsty Freddie-centric oneshot.


This came to me during iGo to Japan, though it has nothing to do with the episode. (All I have to say about that is: In his head? Shady Argentinean doctors? Really, Marissa?)

This is definitely outside my iCarly comfort zone. So please tell me how I did!

--Brandi

Disclaimer: I don't own the iCarly kids. I'll let them remain in Dan's capable hands.

**iChanged My Mind **

Freddie kicked a pebble along as he strolled towards the Groovy Smoothie. He wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling at the moment. If he had to put a name to it, he guessed it'd be something like relief-filled anxiety. His mother was going to kill him for getting a smoothie so close to dinner, but he needed some alone time, and, more importantly, the brain freeze.

After all, it wasn't every day that you kissed your best friend.

Freddie had dreamed about it happening for as long as he could remember. Well, maybe not that long…he had been through the "cooties" phase, after all. But ever since Carly had been his neighbor? Yeah, his heart had belonged exclusively to her.

"_Carly, you know, there's this dance next Friday…"_

"_Why do you even bother, freak? She's not going to say yes!"_

"_Sam!" Freddie gave her a dirty look._

"_Well, it's true!" She crossed her arms._

"_Talk about the pot calling the kettle black."_

"_I don't know what that means, but—"_

"_Guys! Guys!" Carly cut in. "You're being ridiculous. Let Freddie finish what he was saying. You don't know if he was going to ask me to the dance!"_

_Freddie turned pink. "Uh, I _was_ going to."_

"_Oh. Darn."_

_Sam snorted at Carly's blunt response. _

_Freddie hung his head dejectedly, wondering why in the world he had chosen to do this in front of stupid Sam._

_Carly tried again. "Uh, Freddie, I was just kind of hoping we could all go together as friends, ya know?"_

"_I guess."_

_Carly could see that Freddie was still upset, so she hopped off of her beanbag and came over to give him a hug. _

_Holding her really didn't make him feel all that much better._

_Sam, meanwhile, had mumbled something about going to find some salami. When they both realized she was gone, they broke apart, Carly all smiles. _

"_Look, Freddie, I have an idea."_

_Freddie perked up at that. "You'll give me a chance?"_

_Carly took a deep breath. "Yes. If I kiss you right now, will you finally give up your crush on me?"_

_Freddie had to blink rapidly and bounce the words around his head a few times before he trusted himself to answer. "I guess I could do that."_

_Carly leaned closer. "Okay, this is so weird."_

"_Stop it, you're ruining the mood," Freddie whined, and Carly tried to keep a straight face. _

"_I'm sorry. Here goes."_

_She closed her eyes and planted a kiss on Freddie's puckered lips. _

_Their eyes flew open in unison as Carly backed up just enough to focus on Freddie's eyes. "Whoa."_

"_You can say that again," Freddie whispered with the tiny bit of air left in his lungs. _

"_Whoa," Carly repeated, giggling, before going in for another kiss. _

_Sam stomped back up the stairs, salami in hand, and promptly dropped it with a screech as she saw her friends' tongues and arms and hands where they were _not _supposed to be. _

_The salami rolled away from her and down the stairs: plunk, plunk, plunk._

The pebble Freddie had been kicking rolled into a storm drain, _plunk_,_ plunk_,_ plunk_, and he sighed. Today had definitely not turned out the way he'd planned.

That was how this kind of thing was _supposed_ to go. In his dreams it was always some variation of this. Or if not this, it was a scene out of a medieval fairy tale, with Freddie on a white horse and Carly locked in the highest room of the tallest tower. Sam was always in these dreams, too, just because he enjoyed freaking her out even while unconscious.

What had really happened today was a bit, shall we say, anticlimactic.

"_The next show's looking great," Freddie praised as the girls slipped out of their hot dog (Sam) and hamburger (Carly) costumes. _

"_I think so too. We just have a few more finishing touches to think about," Carly agreed._

_Sam groaned. "No more work. These costumes are making me hungry."_

"_Are you sure it was the costumes?" Freddie teased, and Sam stuck her tongue out at him._

"_Go get some food," Carly laughed, and she turned to Freddie as Sam headed downstairs. "Can I see the new green screen background you're working on?"_

_Freddie covered the laptop protectively with his arm. "No, it's not done yet!" he insisted, and Carly came at him, grinning. _

"_I think I can persuade you," she said menacingly, fingers ready in tickle position. _

_  
Freddie shrieked and ran away, laptop clutched under one arm._

_Carly caught him easily and wrestled the laptop out of his grasp, somehow managing to straddle him in the process. "Ha!"_

"_Don't break it!" Freddie admonished as Carly set the laptop aside. She untangled their limbs and stood, pulling Freddie up with her._

_They ended up nose to nose, and Freddie blanched at her unwavering stare. _

"_I think about it, sometimes," Carly said quietly, still unnervingly close._

"_Wh..wha?" Freddie managed to get out. _

"_It's not like you've kept your crush a secret. I'm just saying, I've thought about what you and me would be like."_

_Freddie couldn't believe what he was hearing. He pulled Carly closer, keeping his arms around her waist as he did so. "What would it be like?" he heard himself saying. Though it wasn't his voice. The voice that spoke was confident, collected. It couldn't have been Freddie: Freddie's heart was pounding and his mouth was dry._

"_I don't know. I don't have a crush on you or anything. I just, I feel bad sometimes. That you say you love me, and I don't have anything to say back. I do care about you, Freddie." _

"_That's all I need," he replied, again in that confident voice that wasn't his. He had no idea why his brain had put him on autopilot, but he was kind of enjoying it. "Should we…do you want to find out what it'd be like?"_

_Carly's breath hitched as she leaned into him. "Yeah, I think I do."_

_Freddie leaned closer as well, and the last coherent thought he had was that he wished he could be videotaping this. _

_The moment her lips met his, though, he knew it was all wrong. Kissing Carly wasn't supposed to repulse him. But with each second that passed, and even as the kiss grew deeper, Freddie's stomach twisted into more and more knots._

_He finally had to pull away, relishing the clarity that came rushing back to him. "No," was all he said, and Carly was shaking her head emphatically in agreement. _

_Her eyes were wide, and he couldn't tell whether she was smiling or frowning. She looked…bemused. "I know. This just felt wrong."_

"_Yeah," Freddie sighed, removing his arms from around her waist and backing away, a hand rubbing his neck in thought. "I guess…I guess I'm done crushing on you, then." He could feel the weight of that statement hang in the air for a moment, and he knew that it was the end of an era. He almost wanted to cry. Almost._

"_So, best friends?" Carly asked, holding out her arms for a hug. She looked a little dazed, but Freddie could tell that this would do no lasting damage to their friendship. _

"_Forever," Freddie answered, and they hugged loosely. _This_ feels right, he thought._

"_What's forever?" Sam asked, coming up the stairs. _

"_iCarly!" Carly said quickly, glancing over at Freddie, eyes twinkling. He knew that they were silently agreeing to never, ever tell Sam about what had just happened. _

"_You know it!" Sam wiped her mouth, effectively clearing her upper lip of some pudding remnants, then raised both arms to high-five her friends. _

So that was that. In an instant, his life had changed. He loved Carly, but apparently, it was more like how he loved his mother or Spencer. Like a sister.

Freddie wasn't sure why he was so calm about this at the moment. The years of pining had finally ended. He should be pretty upset at the outcome, right? But a strange feeling of calm had washed over him. He had gone out for a smoothie, and he supposed the fresh air had sort of been like a slap in the face. In a good way.

The Carly chapter of his life was closed. But where did he go from here? Who was he going to watch through his apartment peephole as she came home every day? Whose hugs was he going to live for? Would it still be awkward to see Carly with other guys? What would his mother say when she found out he was moving on? He wasn't sure he knew how to _not_ be in love with Carly.

He couldn't answer those questions today, though. He sipped his smoothie, letting the cold liquid slide down his throat, soothing his angst and inviting in the calm once again. Why worry now?

Freddie had his whole life ahead of him to figure it out.


End file.
